Are we Engaged or Just Flirting?  

“A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away….”  

 That’s the first content we take home from George Lucas’ opening of his Star Wars movie, released in 1977. Quickly, our expectations of a movie set in the future are shattered when we are sent to the past in these few words. Yet, those necessary words “engaged us” to read through his opening crawl, telling each of us we enter at the middle of his Star Wars saga, not in the beginning.

 I came of age about this time as Christopher Reeves soared in an epic Superman movie and John Belushi sent me to college full of expectations for a campus Animal House. The natural result was every 1978 frat gathering became a Toga party. But alas, that was a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.

Leaping forward, Back to the Future, I find myself reflecting on 45 years as an adult in the electrical wholesale Industry. NAED remains the central non-profit association of the industry. TED and EW (online) magazines are still the primary sources of industry communication. A select few companies were experimenting with computerization. Today, deep full integration with suppliers is a requirement. The depths of customer integration are ever changing and most challenging.

 As we (the industry) look deeper into our computer screens for solutions, our “focus-on-faces” has long been forgotten. Once a key element in customer relations, face-to-face meetings are a novelty in the industry. Handshakes, combined with a look into the eyes of your customer or supplier just don’t happen enough anymore. Long ago, the cost to attend an industry convention was considered substantial savings versus traveling around-the-country to meet with suppliers (or customers).

 Somewhere over the years, the concept of “saving face” by discussing bad news over the phone or in an email became the normal course of business. Having a difficult conversation in person is no longer in vogue. This, perhaps, is because accountability is unpopular, too. The natural side effect was a deterioration in problem ownership. Much the same as (in my thesis), a weekly visit to the community on Sunday morning held most of us accountable for our actions the prior week.

 Historically, industry conventions included meetings in suites and private cocktail parties, where proximity loosened the tension of long days in training. Professional speakers or consultants offered innovative ideas and solutions to business problems shared by many. Ad-hoc industry peer groups met at the coffee pot during breaks.

 More recently, distributors engaged suppliers face-to-face for 20 minutes in hotel ballrooms on “Power Dates.” Today, distributors scramble between 16-minute appointments (minus the pee break). If you’re lucky, the supplier across the table is qualified to meet with the distributor. He/she is prepared to answer selected questions, ranked and revealed in descending order of importance, lest time run out. 

 Over time, the “qualifications to sit at the table” deteriorated, where frequently messengers sent from local markets to convention cities get the nod. Attendees politely take notes, with heads face-down in tablets,  or they scan past documents to email, promptly sent to the “appropriate person.” Alas, how distant real face-to-face business must seem to convention attendees “of a certain age.”  

Alternatively, there are suppliers who use their eight minutes at the table (half of the sixteen alloted) to turn power dates into a mini trade show. They hope distributors will return home with important product announcements, to promptly share with end users. The odds are not in the supplier’s favor. 

 I truly believe the speed of today’s business dating has made us lazy, requiring each of us to take short cuts just to get a job done. Power dating for 20 minutes every few months was almost plausible, when preparation on both sides existed. Our shrinking time together working out real business problems, the sporadic decline in quality counterparts participating, combined with (quite honestly) the reduction in face-to-face meetings, no longer has us engaged to each other. I think we’re just flirting with a relationship.  

 And I know the difference. While it’s been decades since I skipped from flirting with, right through an engagement, into a genuine long-term marriage, I still know the difference.  

 So, I have got to ask suppliers: Are we Engaged or are just we just Flirting?

  Engagements take a lot of work. First, somebody’s going to pick a date. Then we agree on a location and of course what wine we’ll celebrate the nuptials with. Lots of other details need to be worked out, like sorting through China patterns, selecting the perfect blender and naturally; what kind of pillows we’ll use.

 If the distributor supplier relationship is going to make it past flirting, first we need to look each other in the face, a lot, as we work towards a real engagement.

We should discuss who handles the dirty laundry. Will the dishes sit in the sink overnight? And how long should we wait to clean up a customer mess? 

 Eventually, we’ll get around to talking about the children. More than likely, the staff of a supplier rep agency is going to play with the distributor’s purchasing team. Heaven forbid, the distributor lets reps play with sales staff. How exactly would that work? Do they all play together at your house or mine? Should one of us supervise play dates? Or do we just send them out into the street and see what they come home with? 

Work. It’s lots of work to be properly engaged, much less get married to one another. At my ripe ole age, I don’t think 16 minutes twice- a-year is going to cut it. Somehow, we need to substitute more “face-to-face time” for blind emails and Facebook. 

 The alternative to real engagement is flirting. So, if we’re just going to flirt and meet on speed dates, maybe we should use an online dating service to simplify the process. Perhaps we hire a “go between” to match us up. I suggest we start with an application process, where each of us lists their likes and dislikes, complete with expectations of commitment. Dare we include a discussion of each other’s past relationships? Perhaps that’s too intrusive.

 In the interest of moving forward as quickly as possible, I considered submitting a draft application form to begin the flirting process. Think of it as an “eHarmony.com application” to begin distributor supplier relationships. But could we really trust the information we’ll read on each other’s applications?

 My “old style” elementary school report card included three measures. Achievement was always considered foremost. While markings for “effort” and “attendance” also fit on the card I brought home to mom. Over the years, my company developed an extensive one-page Supplier Report Card. I just noticed there’s no measurement for “effort” or “face-to-face attendance.” If I were true to my beliefs, I would probably fix that document with our next software release.

 Convention pending.